It’s day one of 2021, time to let go of the past. Make it a year for closing old doors, and watching the new ones open. Leaving the hard past and people who we don’t need behind us. We would never have believed that going into 2020 last year we would have been struck with a scary pandemic, in and out of lockdowns… feeling like we were living in a video game. Scared to leave the house incase we caught this “deadly” virus, or even being questioned where we were going (that would never have happened in “normal” life). A year of not seeing family or friends for long periods of time, being told to stay in the house or not to visit your close family members. Family members like grandparents/great grandparents missing out on new borns coming into the world, or the unfortunate times of not being with family members on their last days of life or even getting to celebrate big things in life that people have worked so hard to achieve and the only communication you had with your family was through FaceTime/Zoom. If you told us any of this, this time last year everyone would have probably laughed and called you crazy. It’s been a hard reality of life that now wearing a mask, carrying around hand sanitisers, standing 2 meters away from folk and the simple things of not being able to hug family members who aren’t in your household… This seems to be our new normal.

Now almost a year down the line, unfortunately we aren’t any further forward in terms of being out of lockdowns completely or even just never having to hear the words “lockdown”, “covid-19” or “coronavirus” ever again. Although all these scary times we’ve had to face, and additional things we’ve had to face alone. I feel like we’ve totally come together… Families have got closer, we’ve came to the realisation that life is far too short to hold grudges over stupid things and just living life as if there was no tomorrow. There’s still so many things in life to be grateful for, I myself had the luckiest year of 2020 although I experienced giving birth as a first time parent four days into the first lockdown and dealing with a poorly baby who spent lots of time in and out of hospital. I had amazing times, where I got engaged to the love of my life and started our life as a family of three with our gorgeous little boy.

These hard times have really made me think about how nothing anyone says or does matters especially when you have your own little circle, filled with the people who mean the most to you in life. None of these crazy scary times compare to the rest of our lives loving our families, and making so many more memories to make up for the ones that were missed out on. It’s now a fresh year, a year that can be filled with so many good things if you push yourself to achieve them. No matter who or what tries to stand in the way, it’s time to make the most of who and what we have now because we never know what is round the corner. For the people living in fear, always remember that it won’t be like this forever and one day even if it is years to come that we will get back to that normal life we once knew🥰.

The past couple of days have been the most challenging days I’ve found for the past few months. I have taken unwell and have suspected Covid symptoms, and Jack has been taken into hospital again with his sickness for a 4th time. But… are we going to let this blip affect us? No we’re not.

I’ve decided now that I need to really focus on getting myself back to the happy place that I need to be. The person I’ve always been before, I never had a care in the world and I never let anyone’s thoughts or opinions bother me. Although for the past 3 years I have, Ive let everything bring me down from my looks to the way I am and their opinions always mattered but I AM ME, no one can change that. I shouldn’t care what anyone thinks of me, just because I have a condition that I can’t help and they don’t understand or I have short hair or the fact that I’m heavier/bigger than most. I should be the happiest I’ve ever been in life.. I have a beautiful 6 month almost 7 month old baby boy Jack, and I’m newly engaged to the love of my life Gary.

So like I mentioned over the past 3 years I’ve became such a different person, I’ve let little things that people say and do affect the way I live my life. People will always make digs about your appearance, about your personality.. just simply make digs about whatever you do in general. Should we let these people bring us down for being different to them? Should we let people affect our mental health with a couple of nasty words. Absolutely NOT, although I know it’s easier said than done but you are your own person. Because when you break it down and think life is far to short to worry about what you look like, how you act, if you are different. Yes you are different because if you were the same as everyone else then everyone would be boring, the same old.

Listen to me giving a motivational talk, I should really take a leaf out of my own book and take all these suggestions into consideration. From a young age I’ve always been “different” to other people, I was always a lot taller than the rest, and my behaviour was different to others. Little did we know that I had a behavioural condition called ADHD, I won’t get into details too much about that but I always deemed myself as being different to the rest. I always wanted to fit in, from making people laugh to having all the latest things that came out because I didn’t want to be tormented for not having these things. Because as people my age will know there is people out there who get a kick out of making people’s lives a living hell for them being less fortunate or DIFFERENT from them. I didn’t want to be one of those people who were scared to come into school with something that no one else had, and I certainly never wanted to be the person that stood up and said well I don’t want to be the same as the rest of you because you’d be left on your own. In school I was always the happy chatty person, I spoke to everyone and I made time for those that most people didn’t because it wasn’t in my nature to leave anyone out because I can see the best in everyone. I wasn’t popular in fact I was far from it, was I part of the bullies? Yes, and was I brought down with the bullies? Yes. But I finally found my own I finally made the realisation that maybe that wasn’t WHO I wanted to be, that wasn’t WHAT I wanted to be and it certainly wasn’t me. The people that I tried so hard to be like were the people bringing me down, making me into something.. making me into someone I never wanted to be. Although I can’t sit and say I didn’t have some of the best times of my life making so many memories at this point in my life. I just knew it was time for a change, a time for a new me.

This then came to me turning 16/17 and then 18 where I was becoming my own, where I would be out each week going to parties with my friends or getting dressed up to head into town. Being carefree, where I was allowed to be my own person, being wild and having so much fun. I even met the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I had finally made real memories that I would cherish for a life time, I let my hair down and I became me… myself.

By the time I was 19/20 my “wild side” became more mature, I started to recognise that a lot of people would have things to say about you if you do a certain thing or be a certain way because you are supposed to have matured, be an adult now. I’ve since let a lot of people’s words bring me down, a lot of things people have to say has really changed me, changed my outlook on life. I became more insecure in my looks, my weight and the way I was and I became more anxious and depressed about why I couldn’t have a tiny little figure or long beautiful hair. But I’ve began to realise over time none of these things matter? The only opinion that matters is my own and hiding who you really are is only going to bring you down even more. Open up and be yourself because only you can and I always stand by everything happens for a reason.. as life is far too short to care about what people think. I only wish I realised this along time ago and maybe I wouldn’t be as down and anxious as I am now. I’m a mum now, I need to give myself a good kick because I can be the change that I want to be❤️